Memoirs From The Riders

Finally. A post of some funny moments, sent by other riders...

(Caveat: these might not make sense or be funny to "outsiders", but I can assure you that they strike a chord for us riders)

Laurence Morris (Nandos Grocery)
Funny Story from the Day 6 Stop at Kommetjie...I was taking a leak at the ablutions at the Kommetjie picnic area and the Capie next to me asked. "Is yulle mense cycling today". I explained that we had cycle from Port Elizabeth, to which he replied "Yassis, if I had to do that I would have to check into a hotel or something". I then left and Selwyn Bron overheard him telling his mate that these crazy guys had cycle from Port Elizabeth and that he had told us that he would have to check into a hotel or something if he did it. He then added "You know what, I wouldn't have checked into a hotel I would have Kaked in my pents, ektualy have you seen those cycling shorts, it looks like some of them already did"

Selwyn Bron (Nandos)
1. At the stop in Sedgefield, all the schoolkids were excitedly running around looking at the bikes etc. I asked the one kid "Is this is the most exciting things that's happened in Sedgefield?" He replied (in a good coloured accent).."Nooo, it's the only thing that's ever heppened).

2. Cycling towards the end of the N2 on day 6, the Kleinmond turnoff on the left and Sir Lowry's pass visible on the right...One cyclist comments to Antonio..."Shiiit, look at that mountain pass", thinking that they were cycling up it. Antonio's answer was "I eat those for breakfast". Someone further back in the pelleton said "It looks like you've had a few of them".

Julian Bryant (Nandos - Marketing)
Mike Denoon Stevens offering his ‘mule’ ( ie me – pushing him up hills ) sustenance in the form of jelly babies . I laughed how his mind was thinking ahead

Craig Bothma (Nandos)
Random snippets from Craig's journal:
...Got some special “MUTI” cookies form Raul that was supposed to give you HIGH energy. Sill do not know if this worked but did not taste to bad
...The day started with a wind that made most of the riders consider the “I have a puncture, I need to ride the bus” But with stronger riders and some good sales talk we got everybody on the road
...We paced it well but some of the riders could just not keep it up, with the help of stronger riders we pushed them to the top as “WE DO NOT LEAVE ANYBODY BEHIND” became a silent rule in the stronger group of riders
...Arriving at the Hotel we had a plunge into the pool to cool off before having a couple of carbo drinks ( easily mistaken for BEER)

Matrona Filippou (Coke)
There were so many funny stories - showing off suntans with g-strings and wearing them the next day over the cycling kit - what a blast.

Saturday just before our second stop - Kelvin had heartburn (joke) he just got tired of pushing me up all the hills. Dean came round to assist and his comment was "You've tired Kelvin out Matrona, he is hiding from you from now on!" When I looked around Kelvin was sitting behind the medics car trying to catch his breath. By the way I still have the dimples on my back from Kelvin pushing me up the hills! Was he not just fantastic!

30th of November - Caledon to Cape Town (Day 6)

Written by Jack Russell (aka Selwyn Bron):

Much anticipation for the last day….once again an early start and the promise of
the longest distance yet…180kms. The route was to the coast, then along the
coastal road…windy as hell…drivers from hell, and a hellova long way…Oh hell
what the hell…it’s a hellova good thing that’s being done. There are very few hills
today, much to the relief of the cyclists. I still hadn’t battled on a hill apart from
having to hold the Beemer back to 15k/hr. All that power and not able to use it!

We finished the day at Sea Point with a local band playing and the other
tradition.......every cyclist and support crew member has to run into the
sea….bliksem it was cold!

We all got together for the “Grand Dinner” and certificate awards evening at the
Protea in Sea Point, where every person received a certificate and a badge, and
some people even managed to get quite “vrot”.

I decided that it was time to tell the cyclists the real reason that I kept shouting
“Keep Left”….if they stayed left I could stay close to them and give traffic a
chance to pass…it was my safety I was worried about, not theirs!

29th November - Heidelburg to Caledon (day 5)

On the bikes by 7am and heading for Caledon - staying at the Casino Hotel there. There was light sprinkle of rain and enough chill in the air to make cry for your bed.

This was the hardest day of the ride and snapped a couple of us, none more than yours truly. The total distance was about 170kms of which I only did about 80kms and slept on bus the rest. My legs and mind was porridge to steal a President Wilson comment. Les also joined me on the bus for a little while.

The uphills were killer (total climb was 1.5kms up) and the downhills were too short to recover. The legends stood out massively - Kelvin for Matrona, Dean Hahn about 10 of us, Mike for Channon, Kevin for the UK girls, Ian Wilson for a bunch of people, The Bullet Thorpedo for a few people (especially at camera time) and Henry for Mike. Cesar led from the from the front breaking the headwind for the peloton.

All the top riders commented that this was one of the hardest days they had ever ridden. Strong headwind, big uphills, pushing the newbies and fatties (me) at the back and rain toward the end. It takes serious mental strength to push through the kind of pain that was delivered to the crew by mother nature.

Lawrence and Kim had organised massuers at the hotel. We were all over them like fat kids on cupcakes. Chas even tried to go for seconds the cheeky porra.

Then to dinner, fines and bed. Apparently someone was snoring so badly it sounded like they were chopping down trees - poor roommate.

28th November - George to Heidelburg (Day 4)

Eugene came up with another cracker today on the bike: "Having a friend like Antonio is like having a hoare for a mother... you dont tell anyone".

We had the tan walk-off tonight... The Pro (mike vilojeon) won with probably the best cycling badge in the world - the obligatory arms and legs but coup de grace was the sock tan - wicked. Runner up was Charelene from vector logistics, third Julian Bryant, Odelle fourth and kelvin fifth. My man of the match was Chas (Antonio) in nothing but his Ed Hardy undies that are ornated with a huge angry Tiger on the front... right where the privates are located. The icing on the cake was the cowboy boots that adorned his peddlars (feet).

Today we did 170 odd kms. 10 hours on the bike. Einah.

The star of todays ride, by everyone's account was "The Notcha". It is an Australian term for what is medically know as the perineum, but to Aussies it is that part that is "notcha balls, notcha bum". Today was long and hard like Chinese algebra (did you know that there are over 1400 characters in their alphabet?).

Everyone is happy to be off the bike and amped to get some shut eye before the 6am start tomorrow.

27th November - Storms River Valley to George (Day 3)

Form the Jack Russell (Selly Bron):

Day three saw an early start…departure at 7am, with the promise of many hours in the saddle. It was to be a long leg…about 160kms to George. There were a few stops along the way, and also a few hills…rolling hills is the expression, but the consensus was that they rolled in the wrong direction…only uphill. The evening was spent waiting for dinner…the restaurant was very busy, and they were really in the kak timing-wise. When the food did arrive, it was pretty good, but by then, everyone was exhausted, and they faded pretty quickly…not even time for the fines…I had to store them for the next evening. The day saw lots of “Keep Lefts”, lots of zooming up next riders with the BMW, and also the use of cyclist language…index finger raised above your head…meaning “Single File”

From Blade (the fat ozzie):
This started off as a great day. Slightly overcast, not too hot gradual undulating hills. Nothing too tough until the last third of the ride. Before that, we pulled into our first two stops with not much pain. From there though the ride got tough climbing out of Kynsna, then out of Plett (thanks Deano, even though you were a little late - had to ride my fat ass up two thirds of that hill with a headwind - einah!), and then the coup de grace, kaaimans river pass.

F**k me that was a ball breaker to say the least. I looked at this thing after doing 150 kms and said "not a f**k"... thanks to the King of George he talked me into doing it, helping me up the first two thirds of the hill with our diminutive leader picking me up for the last third of the hill.

To put this into context - he weighs 70kgs and I weigh a feather-lite 100kgs! Cesar was pushing almost 50% of his body weight EXTRA up the hardest climb of the entire ride from PE to CTN. (Dean and Cesar - send me your bank details!)

When I eventually got to the top I almost up-chucked and couldnt really see much. I had properly snapped in two (admittedly large pieces). Luckily the rest of the ride was only another 5kms of flat into Dean's restaurant.

Again Foxy and Cesar presented the message to Dean's staff, with Deano pitching in with his leadership qaulities. It was clear to many of us that The King of George commanded much respect from his cheering staff.

We finished off with a dinner at some Italian restaurant. Great food just a pity both us and the Dimension Data riders hit the tables at the same time meaning looong waits for chow. The Silent Assasain (Laurence Morriss) and I sat and gut-wrenched laughed (yet again) at Chas and The Tracer Bullet trade verbal barbs and funnies. We chowed down and then Bullet started giving me bedroom eyes again so went back to sleep...

26th November - Jeffery's Bay to Storms River Valley (Day 2)

So the morning started well when the King of George (Deano Hahn) slipped me some of his rocket fuel. I managed to stay with the bunch for the first 50kms before I needed "little" pushes.

The funniest thing said today was Eugene to Chas. The exchange went something like this... "Antonio you may think you look like a Prince on a horse in Joburg, but you like a P**s on Donkey when you ride with real roadies". Needless to say, these two guys are close personal friends. I apologise for the profanity but what I have conveyed really is some of the milder (yet funny) stuff that passes as conversation when doing these long rides.

A close second to the above was when two mysterious riders (Julian Bryant and The Bullet) shot way ahead of the pack to kill the boredom factor only to realise that Cesar would probably roast them later that night, so being clever they decided to duck into the bush ahead to hide and to come out and join the peloton from behind once it had passed. (Some say that they secretly snuck into bushes for extra mural activities - I would not like to be the one to fan this fire though.)

As a group we all had another good day on the bike. To be fair it was rolling hills stuff with only two climbs. Also only 110kms. Tomorrow we do over 150kms. This should break a couple of us including yours truly but I am not going to give up until I fall off.


Story of the day was when Capt Kevin added to his superb support effort on the bike with world class spading at the pool… Ipod in one ear and the bling around his neck… Soon he was wrapping with them and laying out the moves. Word has it that Elizabete wants to now move to SA to be a cashier in his restaurant!!

After the couple of beers at the pool this afternoon, a bunch of us headed down to the Storms River mouth. It is really beautiful down there. This coastline is really amazing stuff and I have traveled the better part of the coastline from south coast of New South Wales through to the Sunshine Coast north of Brisbane.

The models on tour also did a Three Wise Monkey's sketch of "Hear, See and Speak" no evil:

I am freaking tired and seriously started hitting a wall about an hour ago. Thanks to The Silent Assassin's (Laurence Morris) recovery drink I am able to eek out a few words for the blog. The fans are demanding that I write and make them famous so hopefully I have done a little of that tonight.

So we have just finished dinner (I have been writing this in between mouthfuls) and fines are on... will update you on those tomorrow if there are any funny ones. The Bullet is giving me bedroom eyes so I need to go now...

25th November - Port Elizabeth to Jeffery's Bay (Day 1)

So the journey started in PE at the Protea Marine Hotel after a big slap up breakfast. We then headed to the first store which was a mere 500 metres away where we were greeted with a phenomenal welcome from the staff at Boardwalk and ate some... you guessed it... Nandos.

Foxy told his story to the staff at both Boardwalk and Cape Road stores which moved a couple of the guys close to tears. The Bullet (Chris Thorpe) was drizzing proper but the ladies cajoled him (perhaps that was part of the plan?).

The first day was about 85kms so not too tough (thanks to Mr Wilson for those lifts up the last two hills), even for me and clearly a cake walk for the seasoned riders. After which we pulled in Jay Bay and stayed at a world class guesthouse at Supertubes. I highly recommend it if you ever get down that way.

Later that night we had the obligatory debrief from our illustrious leader and chief architect of the ride, Cesar Dias. A couple of the top guys were swerving into the oncoming lane and doubling back so they got a bollocking - I dont blame them though, it must be tough have to hold back for us back-enders.

Later we had the fines and some anonymous guy got a whip-smacked for his "buffalo" theory. It goes like this... toward the end of the ride, apparently some of the good riders drop back to the tail of the peloton to see which ladies are "wounded", ie, hurting from a hard day on the bike. Apparently these are the ones you want to target later on over a few drinks because they will, and I quote: "struggle to put up a fight". Needles to say this went down very well the blokes, but like the proverbial lead balloon with the women. Personally, I think it was disgusting and an affront to the massive progress we have made with the women's liberation movement. (Not really - I thought it was genius.)

Other fines went to Chas Michael Michaels (Antonio) for being porra; Odelle (aka Sporty Spice) for walking in on Selwyn having a shower, pretending to "brush her hair" (whatever - word has it that she wanted to see Selwyn's legend); the three ladies from the UK for being "newbies". I got one for being a fat australian (how original). Bullet got nominated for stealing Matrona's bag but managed to smooth talk his way out of it (funny that).

Lawrence, Brendan Day, Kim Smith and the other support members have been unbelievable. Their work has been nothing short of unreal with drink stops, food and Nandos banners laid out as we come to each and every stop. They have also left gifts and kit in our rooms, organised our bags to be sent to our rooms and the list goes on.


I would love to give you some stories about what it is like up the front of the peloton but unfortunately I was at the back making sure the slower riders were okay (yep - lying - just fat and slow). I must say it is quite an amazing sight to behold with some 35 riders ahead, spread over about a 1km with all the support cars.

Making a Difference - Peri Style

So we (41 of us; mostly Nandos employees) are doing a ride from Port Elizabeth to Cape Town in the name of charity, specially an AIDS iniatitive that was the brain child of Cesar Dias the diminutive coastal MD of Nandos. The aim is to raise money to support the fulfillment of that policy.

The initiative encourages staff members to get tested for HIV. Should they test positive, Nandos commits to paying for all medical bills and ARV’s while the employees get better. They then promise to send food parcels home while the staff convalesce. Also very important, is to let the employees know that they will not loose their jobs - far from it, the company wants them to get better so they can remain part of the Nandos family into the future.

I did last year’s ride, so I guess I would be classified as a "veteran". I would agree. But not because of my experience - rather because I will be riding at a level poorer than that of an octogenarian. Nonetheless, I am super excited to be apart of the team again this year, and I know my company Internet Solutions is very proud to sponsor this event for the third year in a row.